December 1, 2019

By Anne Dabbs, 
NCAN TN Chapter Leader, NET Patient

Relief? Denial? Shock?

Chances are you experienced at least one, or all, of these emotions when you first learned of your Neuroendocrine Cancer diagnosis. My husband and I were most decidedly in the last category. My parents had both lived healthy lives well into their 90’s, and I had no other close relatives with even a hint of an incurable disease. As the shock began to sink in, I had to craft a way to tell our adult sons, 1000’s of miles away. My attitude toward this news would become their attitudes. My can do, positive approach would be mirrored in their minds. I would not let them see me sweat, at least not yet. Carl, as I named my cancer, joined our family in August 2016.

Carl is a lot like the obnoxious, free-loading, Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. We surely did not invite Carl, our family’s Cousin Eddie. His presence is more troublesome than possibly imaginable. He is uncouth, blissfully unapologetic about his behavior, and he quickly wears out his welcome. And yet, underneath his simple minded, free loading behavior, Cousin Eddie had good intentions.

So oftentimes, we Neuroendocrine Cancer patients dwell on all that our disease has taken away from us. It is easy to do for we have all had to make sacrifices of some magnitude. Some goals are put on the back burner, others must be exchanged for something less satisfactory. And there are the many losses that we can never reclaim. But, I encourage all of us to look for the unexpected gifts that may have also arrived with your diagnosis. The courage to face new fears with hidden strengths; the ability to sit quietly and enjoy the simple presence of another’s friendship. New found empathy and compassion for others are frequently sited as silver linings of a chronic illness. Just as Cousin Eddie’s totally misguided attempt to kidnap Clark’s boss finally provides Clark with his Christmas bonus, my cancer Carl has given me a chance to slow down and savor time with friends, a good book, a sunset, a sunrise. Carl has provided me with hard questions, and the mindfulness to find the answers. Carl foiled my plans to return to a career I loved, but he has opened doors to new friends and new outlets of expression. Carl’s presence in our family has presented us with several challenges, but also reinforced our values and devotion. He has made us stronger individually and collectively.  He has not ruined our sense of humor, and we no longer look a gift horse in the mouth.

I hope this holiday season finds each of us the giver and the recipient of unexpected and grateful gifts.

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Disclaimer: NCAN blog posts are the opinions of its writers and are not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Please consult your Health Care Providers for individual concerns.