Blog

February 1, 2022

By Anne Dabbs, 
NCAN TN Chapter Leader, NET Patient

There’s a popular saying that “When a person has cancer, the whole family has cancer”. There is a lot of truth in that statement. Having family and friends who care and can empathize with us is paramount to our well being. Making sure our caregivers and advocates know they are appreciated, loved, and respected is equally beneficial to a life well lived with a cancer diagnosis.

A recent online NETs patient conversation reminded us of how important it is to make sure we let our caregivers/advocates, know how much we appreciate them.

From patients and caregivers, we give you 12 ways to say “I love you” on Valentine’s Day and everyday!

1) HUGS. Big and Frequent or Small and Sincere.
Nothing says I love you like wrapping your arms around someone and holding on tight. A quick clasp of a hand can also show solidarity in a stressful situation. You feel good. They feel good. It’s a win, win for all.

2) Honest Communication.
When discussing cancer and emotions, it’s imperative to always be honest. Admitting that you need help, and gratefully accepting it when offered, is a sincere expression of gratitude. Your honesty will also transfer to your caregiver’s ability to talk frankly and sincerely. Honesty provides a safe place where you can cry together and laugh together.

3) Say “Please and Thank You”.
In the day to day management of your NETs, it can become easy to take your advocate for granted. Manners matter. Remember those basic social skills to communicate your gratitude and appreciation. Say it sincerely, and say it frequently. Gracias, Merci, Gracie, Danke, Thank you!

4) Prioritize Free Time.
Supporting someone with a chronic disease can be overwhelming, mentally and physically. Encourage your advocate to make time for him/herself. Time for them to recharge their energies is imperative. If invited, take an genuine interest in their hobbies.

5) Apologize When Necessary.
It’s inevitable. We all make mistakes. We say the wrong thing; we do the wrong thing. Make the effort to say “I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time.”, and mean it. Conversely, accept your caregiver’s apologies and shortcomings. There is no space in the NETs World for holding grudges.

6) Show Appreciation. Always.
Actively showing your appreciation for your caregiver is important. Your words, your actions, even your thoughts will let them know your sincerity. Homemade cookies and treats and favorite dinners speak to love and thanksgiving and are undeniably a favorite. Unexpected gift cards or watching a treasured movie can bring joy in a simple expression. Offering support for their other responsibilities such as child or grandchild care is a gift of the highest appreciation.

7) Switch Focus. Ask, “How can I help YOU?”
Let’s remember to turn the tables and make sure our caregivers’ needs are being met also. This attitude shows that we have an idea of the sacrifices they make on our behalf. A simple question and genuine response can make all the difference.

8) Don’t Yell at Your Caregiver While in the Hospital.
Actually, don’t yell at your caregiver at all. But especially in stressful situations such as a hospital visit. More than likely, they are stressed out too. Respect and patience are essential to good communication while stressed. And, If you do lose it, refer to #5, as soon as possible.

9) Complement Your Caregiver.
Let’s face it, everyone wants to know when they are doing a good job. Say something nice about them to their face and in public. Let their family and friends know how much you value your caregiver.

10) Keep Expectations Realistic.
Educate yourself and your advocate about your NETs. Make sure you both have realistic and shared expectations about your health, your abilities, and your care. These discussions will help your advocate best support you. They will be enabled to better encourage you or discuss concerns with honest and sincere expectations.

11) Simply Say, “I Love You”.
We think it. We write it. We feel it. We show it in our actions. It’s always there, hanging on the tip of our tongue. Let it fly! Say, I love you! Say it proudly and say it often.

12) Understand that Your Neuroendocrine Cancer has Changed Their Life, Too.
Having Neuroendocrine Cancer can be a long, tiring, and often confusing journey. So is loving and caring for someone on that journey. Combine efforts to insure that this journey you are taking together is filled with joy, love, and appreciation.

If your caregiver would value the camaraderie of conversations with other advocates, encourage them to join the NCAN Caregivers Facebook group.

Just another way to say I love you and I appreciate you!

And, if you need us, reach out. We are always HERE  for you.