Blog

January 1, 2020

By Anne Dabbs, 
NCAN TN Chapter Leader, NET Patient

50 years ago, in 1970, Stephen Stills released his biggest hit single “Love the One You’re With”. A year later, the Isley Brothers covered the song and their version quickly became an anthem for high school garage bands through out my youth. I loved the rhythm; I loved the refrain “if you can’t be with the one you love; Love the one you are with”, which became my adult adaption of making lemonade out of life’s lemons. But the remaining lyrics never stayed with me, until now.

Now, as a middle aged Neuroendocrine Cancer Patient who has had to refocus certain aspects of my life, the lyrics are taking on a new meaning. The trauma of our diagnosis, mental and physical, takes a toil on our self esteem. Our support groups and message boards periodically overflow with our fellow patients’ struggles to reconcile their old lives with their new identities as patients with a chronic illness.

We have to make concessions for increased fatigue and decreased interest in hobbies or friendships. Reduced earning potentials, greater dependency on other suddenly become more commonplace. Our former selves begin to fade and morph into personalities we previously could not have imagined. It is no wonder that our self love can take a devastating direct hit when dealing with an incurable cancer diagnosis.

This February as you plan ways to be thoughtful to your Valentines, I hope you will take the time to relearn to love your new you. Life coach Karen Salmansohn has coined the phrase “Kindsight” to encourage readers to review their lives past and present with kindness. Don’t look back focusing on regrets, but look upon your life with the same kindness you would shower upon a friend. Introduce your old self to your new self. Search for those most desirable traits that remain. Focus on your new and developing abilities. Your new self is neither better nor worse than your old self….it is simply, undeniably, where you are presently.

As Stephen Sills intended to impress upon us, there is a good side to every situation.

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad
Don’t sit crying over good things you’ve had…

Well there’s a rose in a fisted glove,
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be (with) the one you love,
Love the one you are (with)”

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Disclaimer: NCAN blog posts are the opinions of its writers and are not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Please consult your Health Care Providers for individual concerns.